Feeling Like a Broken Record

Well....it has been a while......again. Last diet lasted about 3 to 4 weeks before I started picking up 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts on the way home for the weekend at least once a month. Also visited Gigi's Cupcakes at least once a month....for anyone without knowlege of Gigi's Cupcakes count yourself lucky. So again on Monday I weighed in at 317.8....I don't know why 318 is my breaking point but it seems the first 15 comes off easily then I get tired (and hungry) and eat everything in sight. This time I have decided it has to be different. My husband is joining me as well which is forcing me to plan things out for not only myself but him as well. He is not a veggie eater and I am a very few veggie eater so it is a difficult task. I found a brand new website Emilybites.com and I love, love, love her recipes. They are lighter but also give you the sense that you are eating real food....In fact I have already made out my Superbowl menu using recipes from her site. I can't wait to try them. So far this week we have had delicious dinners. Meatloaf Muffins, baked oven fries, and Green Beans for Monday night. Tuesday we put a Turkey breast in the crockpot which we slow cooked all day and added some 80 Cal Betty Crocker Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans. Last night I went back to Emilybites.com and found French Dip Cupcakes which brilliantly uses wonton wrappers instead of bread...I liked the crunchiness of them. Looking at them once baked I thought....no way 2 of these are going to fill me up so I took a 3rd on my plate (I had the points...what the heck). 2 "cupcakes", some baked oven fries, and a salad later I was STUFFED. With meals like that who can resist? So I promise to post more frequently....and I hope I have more interesting stuff to say other than I am sorry I am a failure, I am still just as fat, and what I have eaten this week but right now just trying to get back in the swing of things. Check out the EmilyBites.com website. I promise you won't be disappointed.

If at first you don't succeed.....

So you know that old saying "If at 1st you don't succeed try, try again"? Well I take that phrase to the extreme. Some may say almost a full year between posts is a little long but between July of 2010 and May of 2011 I have officially started and stopped dieting 335 times. Every night on my way to bed I say "Ugh.....I hate myself, I have to eat right tomorrow" and I do great for about the 1st hour I am awake and then my brain switches back over to "pass the cheeseburgers and chocolate" mode. If I had my own country "I'm really going to do it starting Monday" would be the title of my national anthem.

I don't know how or where to find the motivation to make eating right a life change instead of an extreme sport in my life but I see millions of skinny people every day who say no to desserts, 2nd helpings, and pick a salad off the menu where there is REAL food listed. Speaking of that....I don't know how they do it. In my world I look at the salad and healthy food section of the menu about as many times as I change the oil in my car a year. Yet the words cheese, bacon, fried, frosting & chocolate seem to grab my attention almost immediately. I wonder just how many things I could make out of the items I love...My favorite being a bacon and cheese roll up covered in frosting and drizzled with chocolate..........don't judge.........you know you have your own food fantasies.

So here I am again dedicating myself to REALLY doing it this time. Unfortunately at the biggest I have ever been (318 lb when I started last week) but refusing to give up on myself. The fact that I am even trying means that I want it. SO pray for me, encourage me, and share all the tips you want because Lord knows I need them and your support. It is a long journey but my 1st goal is under 300 (again) and then I will take it 15 lbs at a time as to not get overwhelmed by the LARGE problem I have to tackle (myself).

Why Vacation means eating?

SOOO I have been on vacation since Thursday of last week so I haven't checked in as I should. Before I cover vacation let me mention the fact that I lost 7.2 lbs last week at Wednesdays official weigh in. That was a great # and I am thrilled. Now on to vacation....Rob and I spent Thursday at home. I was feeling great off my impressive weigh in. I did some picking up and organizing of stuff we didn't sell at our yard sale last weekend and did very well on my diet all day. We left for Lake George on Friday and it was like the dinner bell in my head went off. Friday and Saturday are sort of a food coma blur. I kinda went crazy. Sunday when we got home I was still in full eat mode and continued on. Here we are on Monday and I am having eaters remorse. So far I have not done great shall we say eating but if I can hold it in the road for the rest of the evening and week I am hoping to squeeze a 1 lb loss out of it. That won't be easy considering all I have eaten this week but I am definately going to try. Which leads me back to my original thought. Why does vacation mean a free for all on eating? Well I think it has to do with the #1 dieting secret routine and planning ahead. When you are on vacation neither of those things are 1st priority. If you don't have a plan by the time you get really hungry it is 1000 times more difficult to make the right decisions. So I am ready to get right back on it and see what I can pull out this week. Difficulty will start 1st thing tomorrow morning when a lady that works in my dept comes back after having taken 6 mo off for cancer treatment. We are having a huge breakfast for her. I am hoping to avoid all the homemade goodies and head straight for the fruit. Wish me luck.

Who woulda thought?

So it seems I have recently learned that I like vegetables. Who would have thought? Now mind you I will always choose desserts over veggies in my mind but I am glad I am starting to open up to the possibility of other types of foods. In the past my idea of a vegetable was a handicapped person...just kidding....lets just say it was limited to potatoes and corn mostly but when I went to the grocery store tonight I found myself putting fresh green beans, broccoli, onion, squash, and bean sprouts in my cart. I hadn't ever seen that many green vegetables in my house EVER and the craziest thing of all is that I am super excited to make them for dinner on Wednesday night. When I got to the checkout of the grocery store I found myself scrutinizing other peoples purchases which wouldn't be the 1st time but normally my cart was half full of every sweet thing you could imagine just like the plump lady in front of me's cart was this evening. There was something strange about my cart Tonight....it looked strange.....it almost looked like....well like....a skinny persons! But how do you continue this initial excitement that makes you try new things and enjoy eating healthy? That is what I have to figure out. I have a 5 day weekend coming up and it is going to be VERY difficult. This past weekend might be the 1st time on a diet where I have eaten fairly well and at least maintained instead of gained during a normal weekend. One of the main things Rob and I have in common is a love of all foods bad for you. We bond over food. It makes us both happy. If you cover something in cheese and bacon...really no matter what it is, we want to try it. On top of that I am a sweetaholic so I have a double wammy. My goal this weekend is to maintain...I am not asking to even loose. If I can hold it in the road long enough to break even that will be a victory. Wednesday is official weigh in day so I can't wait to check in later with the weigh in results...I know they will be good...just not sure how good. Crossing my fingers now.

Krispy Kreme: Manna from Heaven?

Ok, so for all you non-Bible scholars out there, when Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt into the desert for 40 years they didn't think to pack 40 years worth of food...plus how would you carry it if you did think to bring that much? So the Lord rained down bread from heaven everyday....Manna. As a child I had always wondered how someone could eat the same thing day in and out without getting tired of it (which they eventually did). This morning it occurred to me that Manna must be the Biblical term for Krispie Kreme donuts. It only makes sense and I am not sure why I didn't see it before now.

For those of us who live in CT there is only one place to get Krispie Kreme and that is the casino which is an hour away from my house. Before I started my newest weight loss challenge every time Rob and I hit the casino we would bring home 2 dozen donuts and proceed to eat them. Well Rob would be interested for a while and eat about 8-10 then he would leave the rest of them and I would slowly pick them off 1/2 donut at a time till they were all gone. Which didn't take as long as you think...3 or 4 days max.

So Sunday night we went to see Ringo and his All-Star Band at the casino. It was an awesome show. We had such a great time but on our way out the Krispie Kreme monster reared its ugly head. Rob who hasn't started the weight loss challenge with me said lets go get our 2 dozen. I told him I would only eat 2 (which I would then count the point for on Weight Watchers). We proceeded to heatedly discuss how many donuts we should get finally settling on 1 1/2 dozen. The 1st night I was actually able to resist eating any even though it killed me but now we have 2 beautiful white boxes with green polka dots sitting on my counter calling me by name. They mine as well have Las Vegas type neon signs over them that blink EAT ME. So after I had eaten dinner last night I still had 10 pts left. Funny....I thought to myself 2 Krispie Kreme donuts are 10 points. So I broke open the box and poured myself a glass of milk (which I did not have the points for but who can have donuts without milk) and proceeded to chow down. I will admit they were not as good as I had been dreaming. KK is always best fresh and these were 2 days old now but they were still better than any donut you can get in the area. Stepped on the scale this morning and up .4....so up .2 for each donut. I guess .4 is really not that bad for my delicious snack but back on track today. Now that I have had them and they are even more stale I think I can resist.

To summarize my thoughts for the day- I am pretty sure that KK donuts were sent directly from heaven so it only makes sense that they were what the Israelites were eating in the desert...Life couldn't have been that bad for them. God sent his people nothing but bread to eat for 40 years. David may have been the Man after God's own heart in the Bible but I am the girl after God's own appetite.

The Mission

Ok, My name is Deana and I am 28 years old although I feel like 82. I have been overweight since I was 5 years old or at least that is what I have been told. Since as little as I can remember my mother has been trying to take the cookies out of my hands. "Get out and get some exercise", "You don't really need that", or "Wouldn't you rather have a salad instead of a cheeseburger" have been regularly uttered back handed suggestions in my house growing up. So you can see the problem isn't recent. I came by it honestly...everyone in my family is "big boned" you could say. That brings me to today married with no kids (a fact that constantly brings me to tears) with a nice life but still I feel empty inside. I have always felt like the fat girl in the room...even when I am in my own living room. I have a loving husband who has always been supportive. Unfortunately recently I have been dragging him down the bad food trail with me (voluntarily of course). I have been on every diet and healthy living plan you could ever try. I normally lose 20 to 30 lbs and then gain every bit of it back. SO my goal now is to gather readers who will help me keep at it. I started a Biggest Loser program at work this last week (for the 6th time) and every other season I have started strong and then fell back into old eating habits....can you see my patern of destruction? I always start off strong but never finish. Please join my blog and help me finish this time! SO last Wednesday was the start...official weight 297 lbs (almost couldn't get my fingers to type that #). I can't believe it has gotten this bad but in all honestly the highest I have ever known myself to be is 311. Yikes! My mission is to remove my fat girl mentality that I have had since I was 5 years old and enjoy the rest of my life. I will need encouragement and it isn't going to be all easy but I know I can do this.